In our mid-40s we all go through an astrology transit known as Uranus Opposite Uranus. It’s when your natal Uranus is exactly what it sounds like- opposite your transiting Uranus in your birth chart. When this happens, you want to, and maybe do, blow up your life.
I am going through mine, right this second / for the last year and change. And while I didn’t cheat on my spouse, buy a convertible, and start dating a leggy blonde, I probably would have had I been able to bankroll an expensive but fun-sounding adventure like that. Or maybe I will do as Astrology King suggests: “clothe [myself] in revealing spandex of bright colors and ride racing bicycles around town in packs, before congregating in highly visible cafes early in the morning.” Let’s go!
But seriously- my mid-life “crisis,” or as a kinder astrologer might say, push for more personal freedom and authenticity, has meant that I came out twice, moved cities, and am living like a college student in my new digs in Albuquerque- a random as any choice of a new hometown. I’m also sleeping on a futon mattress with no futon, and instead of a living room, I have a studio with Ram Board on the floor. This is all temporary until I get my stuff from LA in June, or perhaps make some other plan. But for now, the only other furniture I have is cat furniture that I made out of old boxes. (Ladies, I am also single.)
Taking all this into consideration, are the stars offering what they promised? Freedom: check. Almost too much. Authenticity: yes. Much like a toddler, I can only waddle my way through this uncharted territory as myself. Terrifying and ridiculous: yes, and yes - because of the aforementioned futon mattress.
And what goes better with a regression to my younger self than music from high school and college? I didn’t know what that meant until this weekend when I popped by Lost Padres Records in Santa Fe and grabbed a few CDs to listen to while driving Athena, my car who has a CD player but no Bluetooth.
I was just as surprised as anyone when two Dave Matthews Band CDs caught my eye - although I am in the high desert, so this might be his prime demographic. In addition to an Alabama Shakes album, because Britney Howard is a bad ass, I bought DMB’s 1994’s Under the Table and Dreaming, and Crash from 1996.
Listening to Dave, as he is colloquially known by his fans, brought me back to a time in my life where I was young, innocent, moody, and pure-ish. I was in my teens, not yet able to drive, and full of misdirected energy. The earnestness of Dave’s stoner insights was fresh to my ears. I had no sense of his music’s subcultural associations, or anything other than my cool, older cousin liked it.
I have since seen Dave a number of times in concert, in different cities across the country. The concerts were all great in their own ways even though I became less enthusiastic after college. As I began to contemplate art school, I started to get too cool for Dave, who was going through a creative evolution of his own that didn’t jive with mine.
At my cafe job at the Electric Earth Cafe in Madison, where I worked before I left town, I was introduced to Death Cab For Cutie and The Postal Service, Beck’s Midnight Vulture, and Belle and Sebastian. (Step into my office, baby). Then at the San Francisco Art Institute, I heard the Magnetic Fields, Stereolab and was appropriately reintroduced to the Velvet Underground and David Bowie, the patron saints of the art school experience.
The Dave Matthews Band, and all jam bands really, seemed too earnest and earthy by comparison to this new wave of digitally-driven sounds. Once in San Francisco, I was surrounded by black, skinny jean-wearing hipsters- that term was just being re-coined- and whatever granola thing you wore to a Dave concert was not going to fly. And you better not put Dave on the studio speakers, lest you get side-eyes from the other people in the room.
And so like much of my personality that I let go of in favor of fitting in, Dave CDs were relegated to the junk drawer, and his songs were never added to my playlist once I got my first iPod. To be fair, music was changing and I loved being exposed to new sounds, but there was a part of me in those years that liked Dave, but was too embarrassed to admit it.
This is all to say that when I got in the car this weekend with my new, old purchases, I quickly opened up the familiar CD case to Under the Table and Dreaming, and was transported back in time at least 20 years. I felt giddy remembering concerts I went to, singing along with the music and my Dave-loving friends who also knew every word. I felt a sense of relief at admitting that I do, in fact, like Dave and it’s ok because who the F cares since I am grown ass, middle-aged human who does not need to cave to music trends. I texted two of my biggest Dave fan friends about this flashback who admitted they loved listening to the Dave-only Sirius channel (in their newer, fancier cars.)
Like eating enchiladas drenched in cheese and green chiles, which is basically all I eat these days, listening to Dave is like a scoop of comfort food for the ears. And, in a way, listening to his music also feels retroactively gender-affirming. Instead of having a crush on Dave, I always kind of felt like I could be Dave - in the way that you maybe could be like your heroes.
Here’s maybe my favorite song of his, Satellite, and the mid-90s video that explores the media overload of the era. And bubbles, because analogue whimsy.
And Two Step which he has done a million different ways on live albums. For the true fans, here’s an 18+ minute version of it! When it comes to Dave, it’s a marathon not a sprint.
My studio assistants:
And DiDi’s new favorite activity: creepin’
"I felt a sense of relief at admitting that I do, in fact, like Dave and it’s ok because who the F cares since I am grown ass, middle-aged human who does not need to cave to music trends." Or any trends! Soothe yourself, do what brings you joy... saying this to me and to you! xxN