Does more queer visibility make decisions around whether to be a mom easier?
The Side Woo with lesbian moms Lana Williams and Lindsay Tully of the Lez Be Moms podcast
In honor of Lesbian Visibility Week, I wanted to highlight a podcast episode that like most lesbians in the world has not gotten her due. In November 2023, I got the chance to interview two of my artist friends from the Bay Area, and lesbian icons (imo) Lindsay Tully and Lana Williams.
I first met L & L when I played on a slow pitch softball team made up of artists and artsy people called Bat Penatar in the mid 2010s. On Saturdays we would play a game then head to Thee Parkside, the punk bar across the street with double fried tator tots and a wicked cuban sandwich.
Later I got to know Lana and Lindsay creatively when their art collective Bonanza, along with Conrad Guevara, invited people to be extras in their movie “The Initiation,” a short film about a secret yoga cult in San Francisco. I worked with them again when Royal Nonesuch Gallery won a grant to produce one of their short films, “The Drought”, about a sci-fi story about a drought-ridden in a tech-heavy, future California.
I will never forget one of the scenes they shot in the gallery where the main characters, who were dying of thirst because of the drought that had decimated California’s economy, got access to a precious watermelon and proceeded to ravage it for the camera.
I have always been inspired by their nimble approach to art-making. Both Lindsay and Lana have their own practice, but they frequently collaborate on a range of interdisciplinary projects like installation, filmmaking, fashion, and most recently podcasting.
Their latest podcast Lez Be Moms shares their journey of becoming parents and then the ongoing experience of being moms in a world where queer parenting is wildly underrepresented.
As someone who has been ambivalent about being a parent, I wanted to talk to them because I am curious about why people take on parenting, especially when it’s not simple. And what kind of alternative journeys are available to people who don’t fit the mold of a traditional, rom-com sanctioned nuclear family? I wasn’t publicly out at the time of the recording, but the elephant in the room in my mind was, is this what I want? Could I do this?
Even though I am fully out now, and dating and maybe settling down no longer fills me with an existential dread, the idea of becoming a parent still feels about as comfortable as boarding a spaceship to Mars.
A huge part of this is the lack of modeling of what a queer household can be. I have been devouring any kind of media I can get my hands on that offer me a glimpse into lesbian parenting. Listening to the Handsome podcast and hearing about Tig Notaro’s cute relationship with her children, who she calls her roommates, has been comforting.
But one of the things that scares me about having kids, which would be the same regardless of who my partner is, is being comfortable with stepping into the role of the adult who decides things and is unliked at times, and is able to rise above a crappy situation like a tantrum without getting sucked tantrum of my own. Or that I would take things personally. Or that I would jealous that the child’s life is easier or better than my own childhood. I also worry I would get bored and restless, and want to abandon my cozy life for adventure and creative projects, but once you have a kid that’s it. You’re stuck. (Right?) Seeing that queer people are enjoying parenting, and not just miserably putting one foot in front of the other feels hopeful although I’m still not 100% sure it’s for me.
And that’s part of the thing with representation that I’m not sure I understood before writing this. It’s not that because we have representation of queer parenting that more people will choose to be a parent and love it. Instead I think it’s about having access to more information to make a choice that aligns for you, regardless of what the right thing seems to be. I still feel like I am supposed to want kids, and that makes me bristle against the expectation - even if I do kind of want to have my own family.
It’s not something I expect to solve today, although I wish I could. The process of exploring and waiting for things to unfold is excruciating. My Scorpio stellium wants to be settled and have everything decided, one way or another, right now. Regardless I am grateful for people who follow their own path and then turn it into art for the rest of us to experience and learn from.
Check out Lana’s new book, The Container Garden release as part of her Tender Gardener business.
Upcoming Happenings:
Tonight! I am doing a live radio show from 8-10pm on Gutsy Radio. I will be airing an edited version of The Side Woo podcast with Elisabeth Elektra, a Glasgow-based musician. Listen live on their website https://gutsyradio.org/
I am doing short tarot readings from 6-9ish at the LA lesbian bar The Ruby Fruit this coming Saturday 4/27. Or you can email me to book a longer reading.
My solo show, Things Worth Saving, opens May 3rd. We will be doing an artist talk at 5pm CT with me and writer Elisabeth Workman. The show will be up through June at Dreamsong Gallery in Minneapolis.