Growing up, the world as I knew it for much of my life was COMING AT ME. There was no me, you, and the space in between. As a Scorpio stellium, a childhood experiencer of trauma, and a person from a co-dependent family, I felt everything, everywhere, all at once. I had few boundaries and little understanding of what that would feel like. This behavior was reinforced by my generous, midwestern, equally confused Pisces parents.
As an adult, I still often feel other people’s emotions as my own, but I have begun to hone it as a skill and a source of information as I go through the world. But what lingers, is the message that setting boundaries is bad. It’s selfish to tune out other people’s feelings because what if they need me? Or what if they won’t like me if I do? In response to these doubts, my therapist last week reaffirmed something that RuPaul often says, “If they don’t pay your bills, pay them no mind.”
Sure, buuut, I said. What if other people’s opinions of you, or at least your work, does pay your bills? As an artist, walking that fine line between appealing to your audience and losing yourself completely is hard. The dynamic is made all the more challenging by the aforementioned emotional soup.
The idea to write about this came during Morning Drawing Hour when three of us stayed on to talk and discovered that each of us in our own way were thinking about the exact same thing while we were drawing: being more assertive and protecting our energy.
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What does this have to do with inspiration? Inspiration literally means to be filled with spirit - a personal experience that is very unique to everyone in terms of how and when it comes. It is not something that happens when you are overwhelmed and struggling to hear your own voice in your head. I personally receive the gift of inspiration when I have space for it. And I know it to be for me through my body and my intuition.
When I am constantly aware of other people’s feelings and needs, it can be hard to discern inspiration from a great idea I think someone else might want me to have, or something “strategic” that I think might benefit me. When my antennas are facing outward not inward, it can be easy to get lost in a sea of other people’s expectations and social media hearts.
So what to do? We talked about the idea that cultivating energetic protection which can be as simple as where you choose to sit in a room full of people, or as witchy as sending energy back to people who may be sending stank vibes your way.
When I have made the conscious effort to send back energy that I might have taken on that does not feel like mine, I have often been surprised by the results. I have seen the person next to me either get up and leave within one minute of me performing this small ritual, or another person I did this with in a candle magic class started nervously fidgeting. I have done nothing more than set a quick intention to send any energy that is not mine, back to the sender. When the energy is in fact not mine, I can feel the visceral effects of the stress leaving my body. When it is mine, I often become more clear that I need to own my feelings.
It’s not to say that I think these energy projectors are doing it on purpose, but similar to someone who takes in everyone’s energy, some people’s first instinct is to send their energy out. (My best guess is we all do both those things from time to time.)
The co-dependent in me tends to feel guilty for not shouldering the other person’s burden. But I remind myself that it is not doing anyone any favors. Plus as artists, when we take on emotions and needs of others, it means we are not open for other information to come in - like the composition for a new painting or the hook for a song.
For those looking to learn more about energy clearing, I am teaching a class in a couple weeks on how to get started. I also wrote this Medium article which is a free DIY guide to some energy work basics.
Music I’m listening to right now
Get Inspired by Genesis Owusu - if you struggling to find the creative spark and want to feel seen, but also have a satisfying dance break, this is your song.
Nirvana MTV Unplugged - I am a Polly-come-lately Nirvana fan but even before I began hearing them every three minutes on the radio here in LA, I always appreciated the paired-down quality and set list of their Unplugged album.
Roam by the B52s - I did a dance to this song in 8th grade with my jr. high dance team so it brings back memories of butt-kicks, but it is also a soaring invitation to travel and be free.
Something something boundaries
It’s super-tough to learn how to set boundaries as an adult. In my own twisted journey, I have different energy for the same person, sometimes good, sometimes not. I try to be gentle with myself.