Hello dear readers,
I want to express my apologies, especially to those paying members (hey bbs), for the lack of writing happening in Art Datelandia over last couple of weeks. It was just so incredibly hot that it had me all out of sorts.
Similar to the cold in Minnesota, the heat in Southern California has felt stifling and claustrophobic. It has been unsafe to go outside for too long, beyond the icy tendrils of my air conditioner. And so many of my walks, my sanity preserving walks, have taken place at dawn and after dark. The constant sweating and anxiety around the potential that I could boil slowly from the inside out like a frog in a pot, has given me the determination to go on residency next year around this time to avoid this nonsense - or sublet a place on the West side for 2 months.
During this heat-induced break from creativity, something happened to my writing confidence. I found myself sitting down to write an essay and finding that I wasn’t sure if I could. Did I have it in me? To be fair, 100+ degree weather will make you question a lot of things about yourself.
But as I unpacked my resistance, I found there was a lingering old fear of ‘but, who am I to write’? This is truly one of the oldest creative block voices out there. The question is so insidious because it suggests that it doesn’t actually matter if you are good enough. All your hours in the studio or in front of the computer are moot. The question is, do you deserve to make art? And then even more so, deign to share it with the world?
If you have something you need to say, there is probably someone out
there who needs to hear it. - Marianne Williamson
Giving oneself permission to create is something that can be seen as a privilege, rather than a natural part of the human expression. Just like the permission we might give ourselves to change jobs, or marry a person our families don’t approve of, it’s a reflection of our self-worth. But following this desire to make and expand can save lives. Rainn Wilson talked about his life before the Office in an episode of Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday. He said that he instinctually knew that if he didn’t pursue a life as an actor, he would die.
I had that same feeling in my 20s about needing to make art. I was a French major and liberal studies minor, misguidedly hoping to fit myself into a box of something that would get me a normal job. But, I quickly learned, art was the only thing that inspired me. Where I would fall asleep while reading a text for my comparative literature class, I could stay up until 4am making a charcoal still life. Art made me look forward, made me present, made me feel like the world made sense for a little while. When I graduated from UW-Madison with zero plan, no money and a co-dependent, addiction-centered relationship, I knew that following art was the only thing that was going to get me out of trouble.
This feeling resurged again as I began to expand my understanding of selfhood beyond what I have known as a straight, cis woman. This has been another, lighter way to ask the question, “Who am I?”. It has felt just as destabilizing, but energizing rather than depleting.
The answer to this existential question, however you ask it, might be that you will need to expand beyond what you allowed yourself to do and be. For me, to write this blog, to make art consistently, and to host a podcast, I have had to let go of the person I was who hated public speaking, who was afraid to let people know my true self, and whose main focus in life was to be liked and partnered.
Luckily in both art and life, I have felt a call to expand that was bigger and more powerful than myself asking me to make something, and be something new, which has been really damn uncomfortable. Now nearing my 44th birthday, I feel at a crossroads again, and still, that has me wondering where it is all going to lead. I just passed my 2nd anniversary of landing in LA and am into my third year here. This marking of time brings up so many questions about what’s next, and what does it mean. Who am I to this city? What do I have to offer that is uniquely me? Will anyone notice?
Marianne Williamson writes in her iconic book, Return to Love, “If you have something you need to say, there is someone out there who needs to hear it.” The tricky part is you won’t know who those people are until you’ve made the thing, or done the thing, or changed into the person you want to be, and have shared it/you with the world.
So in the mean time, I have been making and eating dozens of cookies, writing morning pages, and doing some half-assed yoga in the morning to keep myself feeling light.
What do you do when the universe has you questioning everything?
Happening:
Live with The Side Woo x DMST Atelier - October 5th, 1:30-4pm
LA folks, save the date! I will be hosting live talks with artists Shizuka Kusayanagi and Faith-Ann Young for their collaborative duo exhibition at DMST Atelier “All The (Healing) Parts”
Two Workshops
I’m offering my paying Substack subscribers 15% off these workshops. See below the paywall.
Media Training for Artists: How to give a good arts interview
Sept 17, 6-8pm
Join me for this 2-hour workshop on some keys to giving good arts interviews for written, podcast and video. In addition to writing a good artist statement, artists are often invited to talk about their work through interviews and in-person conversations in writing, podcasts, live events, and even video spots. This class will address the basics of things you should know about constructing compelling talking points, and controlling the narrative when being interviewed. Reserve your spot here.
Bookkeeping with Quickbooks for Artists
Sept 24, 12:30 - 2pm
Join me for this 90-minute workshop on basic bookkeeping skills for artists. It can be challenging managing the nuances of an artist's finances, especially when it comes to tax time. Keeping regular books can help you track your budget, avoid fines for late-filing and make the most of artist/creator-friendly tax deductions. Reserve your spot here.
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