SFMOMA's single-shaming day

Families rule, the child-free drool to the tune of $42 each

A piece by Yayoi Kusama, a child-free single. Source SFMOMA

I was in San Francisco this past weekend to see friends, read tarot in a holiday fair, and interview Sarah Thornton about her new book Tits Up for the podcast. (Thank you to The Space Program for hosting. The episode will launch next year with Season 4.)

While there I wanted to go to the Amy Sherald retrospective which was aggressively, uncannily advertised to me on Instagram the week before. I learned that on Sunday there was a Free Family Day, which I assumed meant a free day for all and special events for families.

After emailing with the SFMOMA communications people about a typo in their email, I asked to confirm why I was only able to buy a very expensive $42 ticket for Amy Sherald’s show. All they said was that yes it was a “Free Family” weekend, but Sherald’s show came with a $10 surcharge fee.

What they didn’t explain, and I didn’t research, is that only people who brought a guest under the age of 18 could get in for free. I found this out at the ticket counter after I had dismissed it as unfair and therefore I must be misunderstanding, but no, the ‘Family Free Day’ was exactly what it said it was: a tax on non-breeders.

I had dismissed this idea because surely SFMOMA wouldn’t stoop so low as to single-shame their visitors. Surely they wouldn’t penalize people who haven’t had or can’t have children and therefore would not be able to benefit from the discount. Surely the marketing team, probably made up of many singles, has read the survey that reports for a single person to live above poverty-level in the Bay Area by themselves, the minimum salary they must earn is $100k, and so would not expect the child-free museum-goers to front the bill that day for hundreds of breeders whose lifestyle choices are reaffirmed and financially subsidized by basically every other facet of society.

This experience of receiving a $42 bill to see the Amy Sherald show (which is, of course, worth every penny if you have it), while a group of 6 people next to me were being ushered in without paying a penny, reminded me of traveling around Europe solo while on artist residencies. One of the worst spots to travel solo in my experience was Santorini. I had taken a quick side trip to take in the spectacle of Greek Easter. It is probably the most touristy island in the Aegean, and known as a hot spot for couples.

When I wandered around to the various restaurants in the old town of Thera, (this was before I met a local guitar player/tour guide who got me the royal treatment), I would get sat at the bar or at an ugly table to the side. My favorite was cut into a hexagon because it needed a special angle for when the front door opened and hit the side the table just so - it was a real piece of ingenuity. I had asked about the empty four-sided table and was denied a seat at it for any number of unnamed reasons. Either way, I would have gladly taken the misshapen table for a $30 discount on dinner.

While seating a single person at a small, out-of-the-way table next to the door when there are other tables empty may not be illegal, but it does make a person feel bad. When an institution charges one class of visitors full price and lets another one go in for free or at a deeply discounted price, it may not be illegal- but also are we sure it’s not?

In California under the California Fair Employment and Housing Act (FEHA), it is illegal to discriminate based on marital status, motherhood, pregnancy, as well as the federal laws that protect people from discrimination for age, race, and religion. The rules for small businesses and their customers are different- obviously and unfortunately. Businesses can discriminate by age because of things like legal drinking limits and content in their movies. According to SCOTUS’ ruling on the cake decorator who didn’t want to make a cake for a gay wedding, you can openly discriminate based on sexual preference of your clients if it doesn’t align with your spiritual beliefs. Not exactly the precedent SFMOMA would want to have to cite in defense of their Family Free Day.

What about discrimination by marital status, or being part of a family? I get that the legal fine print on the SFMOMA’s website it says that any adult can get in free with any minor, but the advertising is clear: they want families. Adult breeders get special treatment.

The larger negative impact of this type of messaging inadvertently targets members the LGBTQIA+ community. Queer parents make up about 24% of the total LGBTQIA+ population in California, which is between 5.3-15% of the total population in the state, with the higher % in the Bay Area. As such, a vast majority of hetero-normies benefit from events like Family Days that offer goodies like free passes to the adults. Meanwhile I assume that queer people are typically about 98% of all art museum attendance.

I just wrote “normally this type of thing wouldn’t bother me,” but had to laugh at myself because who am I kidding? Single-shaming, as subtle as it is, would always have bothered me. It bothered me in Greece and it bothers me now. With people outside the Rockwellian family ideal now more vulnerable than ever to the changing tides of our justice system, I wonder if we really want to be giving explicit rewards in the form of museum entrance to people who fit those norms. What’s next? Couples get in for free on Valentine’s Day, along with a sign that says “The Winners”?

My suggestion to SFMOMA is sure, have your fun family days with events and goodies for kiddos. Promote it to the heavens as Free Family Day, but then give everyone a free ticket. Or just the kids. You’ll still get the messaging you want, families will be incentivized by the festivities to come for the day, visitors like me will still get to see the art without feeling like a second-class citizen, and the singles you don’t want there will be turned off at the prospect of all those noisy kids. Everyone’s a winner.