Whiplash

When the ups and downs of this world hit you like whoa

It was the best of the times, it was the worst of times. And then it was almost the best of times, but instead it was just kind of a meh time. If Charles Dickens was alive, no doubt he would be writing that in his Substack right now.

It certainly applies to the last few weeks of my life during which I opened a solo show, got a new job, was invited to interview to be on a new docuseries about late in life queers, and hosted my own radio show. Wowser. I couldn’t believe my good fortune that week.

When I flew home from my solo show, however, it took me about 7 days for rollercoaster ride to change direction, driving me directly into a mountain. I got laid off from that job. I was told the TV show was going in another direction- they wanted couples only. (Single-shaming: not just for straight people.) And to top it off, I had to postpone an art event that I was looking forward to, nay grasping onto for dear life since getting laid off.

The first one is legitimately frustrating and stressful, the other two are just frosting on the crap cake. My sorrows are arguably nothing when considering the state of our world, the genocide in Gaza, climate crisis and so on, but you get the idea. It’s a lot of ups and downs. And we all have them. The universe giveth and the universe taketh away, sometimes at breakneck speeds.

We as humans can barely handle the news much less the wild ride of our own lives. It’s, in part, why we turn to our phones, to alcohol, to sex. Through our addictions we try to block out all the noise, to numb the frustration, to make life a little smaller so it feels more manageable.

But what if we are making a valiant effort to not block out, but to rise and heal? All these ups and downs, if you are really invested and paying attention, can give us whiplash. It can tear at our heart strings, and wreak havoc on our nervous systems.

Buddhists would advise to practice non-attachment. Watch the opportunities come and go like clouds in the sky. But can you really do that with every part of your life?

To not be invested in the outcome of your life does not feel like the job that we are here to do. But then again, how do we ultimately know what’s best for us vs. what feels best in the moment?

For example, a few days after getting the news from the TV show that our interview was canceled, I was advised by a friend who has worked in reality television that I most likely dodged a major bullet. She told me about Frankenbites, the soundbites that editors create by culling together different quotes to make it sound like you said something you didn’t. You have no control, she offered, and they will purposefully put you in bad, or at least emotionally-charged, situations to manipulate the outcome of the show. Yikes. And then this article came out this week about the Love is Blind contestants who are suing for a toxic workplace. While I still have some lingering doubts about what could have been, I felt grateful to not have made the cut because it would have been hard to turn down the opportunity.

Thinking about the concept of whiplash, I remembered the movie by the same name from 2014. It starred JK Simmons a demanding music instructor who breaks down this young drummer only to build him up into something great, or so he hopes. The process is grueling and you wonder what drives the drummer to put himself through all that pain. Is it worth it? Isn’t there a better way?

As an artist myself, I can say it’s not logical. I don’t really understand what possesses me to keep going, to keep the creative flame alight. In many ways, though, it’s the same struggle that we all face trying to keep our souls pointed in the direction of love, despite all the horrors and the evils on this planet.

Among the things that drive me forward is the hope that it can and will be different. Artistically the payoff comes when something I create or write reaches someone and makes a connection. Or when my paintings feel fun to make and I am able to see how that joy is passed to others. Or when something I make sparks a conversation about something else that expands my worldview.

But all these carrots don’t lessen the blow of the stick. So how do we soften the whiplash? How do we create a soft and cushy buffer for ourselves when something shocking happens, or do we simply get immune? Do we expect less and have more gratitude?

Let me know how you treat yourself to a little TLC.

Some happenings

If you haven’t yet, you can check out my solo show Things Worth Saving at Dreamsong Gallery until June 15th

On Wednesday May 29, I will be hosting a workshop on Bookkeeping 101 for Artists. We will take a look at Quickbooks Online Accountant and review some key dates and paperwork that artists should be aware of as producers and sellers of their art. The workshop is free for all subscribing members of Art Date. To sign up, you can replay to this email.

Plein air painting in LA is coming back June 1st! I will share information in my next Substack, and also will be updating my Eventbrite page with events. Stay tuned.